How Do We Learn?

by Eve Mayer
I love to learn new things. But that was not always the case for me. I remember being in middle school and raising my hand time after time. Remember, it was not cool to raise your hand. I could hear the other students saying, “Here she goes again!” Thank goodness I wasn’t a shrinking violet because I said “to heck with them” and I raised my hand anyway. I realized at a very young age that if I didn’t get it, most likely the other kids didn’t get it either. So I let the so-called smart kids make fun of me. I could take it.

Eventually there came a point where my mathematics class just wore me down. I really felt stupid and wasn't getting any of it. I was so far behind that all my question-asking only made me feel more stupid and inept. That became the turning point. “Shhhh,” I told myself, “be quiet, just slide through.” AAAHHH!!!

I wish more than anything that I had had an advocate to help me back then, but I wouldn’t be the advocate I am today if that had happened. Having children changes you. Learning how to be their advocate has helped me to be my own advocate. Because of this I am able to help you be yours. What this means simply is: you have the right to learn.

For example, I was in a class recently that was way over my head. It was filled with doctors of every kind. The teacher was a Micro-Biologist (a genius by all accounts). He was a horrible teacher and spoke far over our heads; the woman next to me was fast asleep. I couldn’t take it. I thought to myself, “This man is brilliant! I need to understand what he is talking about.” So, up went my hand. “Can you please explain that in layman’s terms?” I asked over and over again throughout the year long course. At the end of every class it never failed; a different doctor would come up to me and say, “Thank you for asking all the questions you do; if it weren’t for you I wouldn’t understand this course at all.” Now, what does that tell you? These incredibly talented doctors were completely willing to let valuable information just slip through their fingers, for fear of appearing STUPID in front of their peers. Wow! We paid a lot of money to learn. (LEARN is a verb, it means to acquire knowledge or skill). We were all adults but we were right back in middle school. I can only imagine what they must have thought about me. I was one of the only ones who wasn’t a doctor in the classroom. Most of them didn’t understand a word coming out of Mr. Micro-Biologist’s mouth, but they were too afraid to ask. It must be tough to be so smart; I guess that means you aren’t allowed to learn anymore, you’re supposed to know everything already.

That brings me to my husband. He landed a new job that required him to learn some new information and skills. After his first class he was all stressed out and I asked, “What is going on? Why are you all stressed out?” He said that he felt kind of stupid and didn’t know everything. He was approaching the class like those doctors! So we had the talk, the You Have the Right to Learn talk. I asked him to imagine that he was our son for a minute. How would he want our son to approach learning? Would he want our son to be open minded? Would he want him to ask questions? Does he think our son has a right to learn everything that the teacher has to teach? Or does he think our son is going to the class to show how smart he is? Of course my husband laughed his butt off seeing how silly it all sounded. He loves the idea of having the right to learn. At his next class, he asked many questions and realized how much it helped everyone in the class. He said that the classroom became more of a fun learning environment. His stress level around learning virtually disappeared and looked forward to attending the next classes.

We have a right to learn. Benjamin Franklin felt so strongly about thinking and learning that he started public libraries so knowledge would be available to all people. Prior to that, only wealthy people could afford books and higher education. Earlier, I mentioned being an advocate. It is so clear to me that we all need an advocate when learning becomes difficult. As humans we need to keep learning, growing and ever expanding.

I hope you will share this wisdom with others.