Who Loves You Baby?
Remember that old country western song, Look’n for love in all the wrong places.
You guessed it, I want to talk to you about looking for love in all the right places.
The very act of looking for something means you are doing something outside of yourself. The dictionary definition of look is to spend time trying to find. To direct one’s gaze towards. You would have to agree that by this very definition looking for love literally means looking outside of ones self for someone to fill the love void…Yes?
Teaching people how to love themselves is one of my favorite subjects to teach. You have to love yourself. We hear it all the time and no one teaches you exactly how to do it. I had to learn the hard way. I was always trying to get others to love and fill me up. What a burden to place on others. Guess what, it doesn’t work! At least not for long, they get tired of trying to make you feel loved. Tired of trying to reassure you that you are lovable. Let’s face it; do you ever really believe them? Really? Truly? Of course not. You never really feel at peace in another persons love. Why? Because it is an impossibility. Love has to come from the inside out. The flow has to start from somewhere deep inside and flow up and out all over everyone else. Love can never get in from the outside and fill the cup up. I’ll show you what I mean and through the showing, I will teach you how to love yourself. Sound good?
I need your indulgence for a moment while I walk you through two scenarios so you will understand a couple of feelings.
Scenario #1
Imagine yourself as a parent, grandparent, or aunt, as a loving overseer for this example. A child, age 8-10 brings home either artwork or homework. This beautiful child is PROUD. You are likewise VERY VERY PROUD. You exclaim, “Oh my GOSH, what beautiful Work!” “You must be so proud of yourself.” “Are you proud of yourself?” The child beams and answers with a resounding, “YES!” Both of you smile and hug enthusiastically.
Scenario #2
You are at work, school, or home and you just completed a very big project and your co-workers tell you, “What a good Job.” You turn your face away, put up your hand and say, “Oh it was nothing, thank you.”
Let’s talk about scenario #1. The child has worked very hard and they both recognize it. The child is already beaming with pride of a job well done and the parent only confirms the child’s view of herself. It is essentially icing on the cake. The child has no problem letting a compliment in. Why? She recognizes the good in herself.
Now let’s discuss scenario #2. The woman worked very hard and she is unable to accept the compliments paid to her by her co-workers. She turns her face away from the kind words and puts up her hand to literally STOP the compliments. She says, “Thank you” because it is the socially required thing to do. She feels empty after the exchange is over. She wants to be loved; she wants to be filled up.
The Question begs to be asked….Can anyone ever fill you up? Why does the woman feel emptier inside than ever?
The answers are simple and maybe a little odd. We are the only people we believe. Let’s go back to the woman in scenario #2. She knows exactly how much time, effort, hard work or lack there of she put in to her project. Did she cheat? Use someone else’s idea? We know what we do, how we do it and what our true motivation is. Only us and no one else. This is the reason we are the only person to believe when the compliments come around and for this reason and this reason alone we MUST tell ourselves when we have done a good job. Just like that little child, we have to know that we are proud of ourselves. Now don’t get me wrong I’m not saying shout it from the roof tops, “Look at me I’m GREAT.” Far from it. That would border on narcissistic. What I am saying is, review your day. What did you do well? What did you do great? How were you a good person? What can you do to improve? Do you need to make amends to anyone? Were you kind, loving, generous?
Let’s go back to the child scenario. Trade places with yourself and the child. For those of us who had abusive upbringings this makes it much easier to see clearly. Your ethics, morals and values around another person become crystal clear, where they are muddy when the spotlight is on us. So trade places become the proud mom and witness the child. Let the child tell you all of the things they did today and as the mom, feel the pride well up inside. This is the TRUTH. Get used to it. Feel it. Let that pride in yourself start to flow through you. Believe it or not this is the Magic Key to loving you. This is what builds self confidence. This is how love starts to flow from somewhere deep inside and starts to flow out all over everybody. It becomes unstoppable.
There you have it. I know it’s simple. Love flows out by recognizing the beautiful light or the truth from within. By finding your goodness, you find your truth, you find your love. Simple.
You guessed it, I want to talk to you about looking for love in all the right places.
The very act of looking for something means you are doing something outside of yourself. The dictionary definition of look is to spend time trying to find. To direct one’s gaze towards. You would have to agree that by this very definition looking for love literally means looking outside of ones self for someone to fill the love void…Yes?
Teaching people how to love themselves is one of my favorite subjects to teach. You have to love yourself. We hear it all the time and no one teaches you exactly how to do it. I had to learn the hard way. I was always trying to get others to love and fill me up. What a burden to place on others. Guess what, it doesn’t work! At least not for long, they get tired of trying to make you feel loved. Tired of trying to reassure you that you are lovable. Let’s face it; do you ever really believe them? Really? Truly? Of course not. You never really feel at peace in another persons love. Why? Because it is an impossibility. Love has to come from the inside out. The flow has to start from somewhere deep inside and flow up and out all over everyone else. Love can never get in from the outside and fill the cup up. I’ll show you what I mean and through the showing, I will teach you how to love yourself. Sound good?
I need your indulgence for a moment while I walk you through two scenarios so you will understand a couple of feelings.
Scenario #1
Imagine yourself as a parent, grandparent, or aunt, as a loving overseer for this example. A child, age 8-10 brings home either artwork or homework. This beautiful child is PROUD. You are likewise VERY VERY PROUD. You exclaim, “Oh my GOSH, what beautiful Work!” “You must be so proud of yourself.” “Are you proud of yourself?” The child beams and answers with a resounding, “YES!” Both of you smile and hug enthusiastically.
Scenario #2
You are at work, school, or home and you just completed a very big project and your co-workers tell you, “What a good Job.” You turn your face away, put up your hand and say, “Oh it was nothing, thank you.”
Let’s talk about scenario #1. The child has worked very hard and they both recognize it. The child is already beaming with pride of a job well done and the parent only confirms the child’s view of herself. It is essentially icing on the cake. The child has no problem letting a compliment in. Why? She recognizes the good in herself.
Now let’s discuss scenario #2. The woman worked very hard and she is unable to accept the compliments paid to her by her co-workers. She turns her face away from the kind words and puts up her hand to literally STOP the compliments. She says, “Thank you” because it is the socially required thing to do. She feels empty after the exchange is over. She wants to be loved; she wants to be filled up.
The Question begs to be asked….Can anyone ever fill you up? Why does the woman feel emptier inside than ever?
The answers are simple and maybe a little odd. We are the only people we believe. Let’s go back to the woman in scenario #2. She knows exactly how much time, effort, hard work or lack there of she put in to her project. Did she cheat? Use someone else’s idea? We know what we do, how we do it and what our true motivation is. Only us and no one else. This is the reason we are the only person to believe when the compliments come around and for this reason and this reason alone we MUST tell ourselves when we have done a good job. Just like that little child, we have to know that we are proud of ourselves. Now don’t get me wrong I’m not saying shout it from the roof tops, “Look at me I’m GREAT.” Far from it. That would border on narcissistic. What I am saying is, review your day. What did you do well? What did you do great? How were you a good person? What can you do to improve? Do you need to make amends to anyone? Were you kind, loving, generous?
Let’s go back to the child scenario. Trade places with yourself and the child. For those of us who had abusive upbringings this makes it much easier to see clearly. Your ethics, morals and values around another person become crystal clear, where they are muddy when the spotlight is on us. So trade places become the proud mom and witness the child. Let the child tell you all of the things they did today and as the mom, feel the pride well up inside. This is the TRUTH. Get used to it. Feel it. Let that pride in yourself start to flow through you. Believe it or not this is the Magic Key to loving you. This is what builds self confidence. This is how love starts to flow from somewhere deep inside and starts to flow out all over everybody. It becomes unstoppable.
There you have it. I know it’s simple. Love flows out by recognizing the beautiful light or the truth from within. By finding your goodness, you find your truth, you find your love. Simple.
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